


Letters

by SwordsandShields99



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23676838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwordsandShields99/pseuds/SwordsandShields99
Summary: Chap 1: Letters from Shepard's deathChap 2: Letter's from Shepard's house-arrestChap 3: Letters from the Normandy (my favorite chapter, so many feels)
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 9
Kudos: 38





	1. Waking Up

_Shepard sunk down into her cot and took a deep breath. After she had her little chat with the Illusive Man, Miranda had taken her to a small room to rest in. She woke up, and started fighting, and hadn’t had a chance to just sit and think._

_She put her arm over her eyes. Two years? How was that even possible? She felt like, she had just been asleep and woke up. She remembered dying. Remembered not being able to breath, being suffocated. Choking, as her lungs exploded. Watching the flames lick at her suit as she entered an atmosphere right before everything went dark._

_She felt a panic in her chest, like she couldn’t breath. God, the room was so small. She started gasping for air, she sat up and put her head between her knees. Her military training was good for something. She took deep breaths trying to center herself._

_She looked down at her new omnitool, and clicked it on. She synced it to her old account, and watched as it beeped and lit up as she received two years worth of mail._

_Maybe someone would have told her what was going on. She clicked on the messages and sorted them by sender so that she could just read from the people she really cared about._

_\---------------------------------------------------------_

From: Tali

Subject: _______

Shepard,  
I just got word. I don’t know what to say. I know you’ll never get this. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. I just can’t believe it. I can’t. So if you’re out there somewhere, somehow, please write back. Please. I didn’t get a chance to say... well goodbye. Or thank you. Or anything. Shepard, I never thought I would have any non-Qurian friends. Allies perhaps, but not friends. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I just can’t accept that you’re gone. Please, somehow, write back.

Tali

\-------------------------------------------------

From: Joker  
Subject: Sorry

Commander,  
  
I can never thank you for saving me. Can never ask you for forgiveness. I swear to you, I won’t ever stop fighting for you. Or, at least what you stood for. God, I’m sorry. I wish it were me. I just.. This is stupid, I’m writing to no one. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Liara  
Subject: My dear friend

Shepard,

I just got back from your funeral. There were so many good things said about you, and somehow it all still fell short. You changed my life, Shepard. You’re dead, so I might as well tell you one more time. I always felt a connection to you. I’ll always have feelings for you. And it is a pleasure, not a burden despite what many humans might think. I know you didn't exactly feel the same way about me, but our friendship meant everything to me. A part of you will live on in me. And if I ever figure out how to honor you, how to continue your legacy, I will. 

Love,  
Liara

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus  
Subject: RE: Drinks?

Hey Shep,  
  
Hey, hope I'm not messaging you too late. I was at work earlier. Yeah, drinks sound good. I'm glad you're coming back into the Citadel soon, it's been too long. I've got some vacation days I've saved up. Maybe I could take a couple when you've got some shore leave, and we can stir up some trouble for old times' sake. I've found some great new spots to hang out here. I'd really love to show them to you. Let me know when!  
  
\- Garrus

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Subject: What the fuck?!

Shepard,  
  
What the actual fuck? I just heard about the Normandy. It’s all over the extra-net. Right now they’re saying almost everyone survived. Please tell me you’re alright. I know you are, I mean it’s you. You can survive a building falling on you, so I’m sure you got your crew and are ready for round 2. I can't leave you alone for a couple months without you getting yourself ass deep into trouble can I? But, please, when you get a moment, write back. 

-G

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Subject: Re: What the fuck?!

Shepard,

Now they’re saying that practically everyone survived but you. HA! Yeah right, do they even know you? If I had a credit for how many times I watched you storm out into the middle of the fight, and by all rights should be shot and dead by now, I could retire. But, seriously, write back. Even though I know better, I’m still a little freaked out.

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Subject: Re: Re:

Shepard,

Anderson just called. I'm still not sure I can actually believe it. If you're out there injured and no one has found you yet, you better call me. I'll come and get you myself. Just... write back damn it. 

-G

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Subject: Re: Re: 

Shep,  
  
Joker just called after he heard I was making too much noise in your Alliance. Shepard, I don't want this. I don't want to give up. But, he saw you himself. Watched you get spaced. And if no one found you in time...  
Listen, all the evidence leans towards you being dead. And if I am forced to accept that so be it. But I will not accept giving up everything we've worked for. I'll make the council listen. I'll make you proud, Shepard.

-G

\------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,  
  
I just got back from your funeral. Spirits, it was awful. You would have hated it. We would have been cracking jokes the whole time, laughing at some of the ridiculous speeches. They allowed some of the crew to speak, but gave a strict list of topics that weren't allowed to be brought up. Sovereign for example. I just know you'd have some smart-ass remark about that. Of course, the Turian wasn't allowed to speak at an Alliance funeral, not that I could have anyways. Joker tried, but just couldn't. Liara was elegant, would have made you proud. She's come a long way since we first started out. Hers was the only speech worth a damn, that and Anderson's. You would have hated how long it was. If you were with me, I would have snuck in some liquor to pass. The team each went up to your empty coffin, one by one to pay our respects. It was awful to watch Tali like that. I had to look away. I said my goodbye. So I'm not quite sure why I'm still writing like I haven't let go. Hope that doesn't bother you.

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

I joined c-sec to pay the bills, but that's not where my focus is at. I leased out my old apartment, and it just feels strange. Being at c-sec feels strange. But it puts me on the citadel. And being on your team helps give me a voice, even if no one is listening. The Alliance has your picture up everywhere. Probably a recruiting technique. I hate it, Shep. I can't turn a corner without seeing your face. And instead of being a comfort, it just hurts. I'm not one to talk about my feelings, but what the hell, you're dead. I don't know why I'm actually sending these emails. Damn it, what the hell am I doing here, Shep?

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Hey Shep,  
  
It's been a while. Not sure why I'm writing now. It's just, you're the only one who would have listened, would have understood. Everyone from the old team has left. Joker stayed the longest, but he had been grounded after what happened to the Normandy. And then suddenly, he just left. No explanation, nothing. Everyone else is slowly moving on with their lives. Promotions, new jobs, just... life. It's not fair, when you're never going to get to do that. I'm the only one left on the citadel. I hate c-sec, you know that. It's the same as always. So much red-tape I'm practically drowning in it. I've had 3 meetings with the council. They're always 'busy'. They are starting to tell everyone that Saren was the enemy, and that there was nothing else to it. They are completely denying Sovereign. I'm trying, Shep, I really am, but no one is listening. But I owe that much to you, so I'll keep yelling. You're outside the window I'm looking at right now. A giant advert lit up bright, right outside my bedroom window. How the hell could I give up now with you watching?

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,  
  
They've had enough of me apparently. My CO told me if I keep disturbing the council, it will effect my position here at c-sec. Bold of him to assume I give a fuck about c-sec. They've taken all of your pictures down, replaced them with propaganda for the council. Anderson's not looking so good these days. Pretty sure he's as depressed as I am. And as awful as it was to see your face around every corner, it's just as awful to have you disappear. Again. I wish I could get your advice. What would you do, Shep? I just don't know anymore.

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

_Shepard's eyes began to close, and her head nodded as she began to fall asleep. She quickly turned off her omni-tool. She had no idea how her death would effect the people around her. It had only been a couple of days for her, and she already missed them. Missed the Normandy, and her command. She couldn't believe Garrus had written her so much after she had died. Turians really didn't verbalize their emotions at all. She knew how when humans did it around him he'd get a really uncomfortable look on his face. She hugged him once, and he acted like he would jump out of his own skin. It made her feel awful to know even he... no, especially he felt so bad. But she couldn't read anymore tonight. She was exhausted. 2 years asleep, and she felt more tired then ever. 2 years dead that is. She only had two hours left before they were taking off. She wasn't sure when she would have the time, but she was going to read these. All of them. Someday._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Shepard collapsed onto her bed on the new Normandy. Garrus was in surgery, and she felt like she had been to hell and back in the few weeks she had been alive. She thought if anyone would have her back it would be Tali. But Tali had a life and responsibilities. Shepard couldn't blame her for that. But God, did she feel alone in the universe. She found herself missing Garrus most of all. Apparently, if the impossible amount of unopened mail from him was any indication, he had missed her most of all too. And, to top it all off, aparantly he was Archangel. When he had taken that damned helmet off and she saw his face, she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. She suddenly didn't feel completely alone. And judging by the look on his face, he felt the same way. And she had heard a noise resonating from him unlike anything she had ever heard before. Cerberus certainly spared no expense to rebuild her. Subharmonic hearing might just come in handy. But God had he looked awful. He hadn't slept in a week, hadn't eaten. He was dead on his feet. And then he was almost taken away from her._

_"I didn't come back to life just to watch my best friend die!!" she had screamed at him, gently pushing him trying to get him to gain consciousness again._

_And now, she wasn't even sure if he was going to make it. She prayed, and prayed, hoping beyond hope. She suddenly remembered all of the messages he had sent her while she was dead. She flipped on her omni-tool, and started where she had left off._

_\----------------------------------------------------_

From: Garrus

Shep,

Well, I'm not sure what you would have done if our places were swapped. But I do at least know you'd be grinning ear to ear if you heard how I told the council where they could shove it. I'm not sure if you'd be proud of me leaving the citadel, or disappointed in me for failing. No one knows, but I disappeared off the grid, just like Joker. The only people I feel guilty leaving behind are my family, but I haven't been much use to them lately anyhow. Add it to my list of failures.

I'm going to Omega. It's a shit hole. At least this way, I can do some good without red tape tying me down. It's not what you did. I'm not in the hierarchy, and I've left C-Sec. Guess we'll see how vigilantism works out for me. I'll probably just fail at this too. My letters to you are pretty much just a diary since you're dead. I don't know if that makes it more or less pathetic. I really appreciated your guidance as a Spectre. But I realize now that what I appreciated most was your friendship. I've never met anyone like you, and I know I never will again. Didn't think I'd ever have a best friend that wasn't Turian. The universe is weird. 

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shep,  
  
I've done pretty good here. I've stopped a lot of bad people from doing really terrible things, without having to wait for red tape to be cleared while more innocents died. I even have a team I'm building. The locals have started calling me Archangel. From humans if I recall correctly. Ironic. I don't mind it actually. It helps keep my cover. It's not our squad from the Normandy, but my new squad's doing alright. I'll have to really whip them into shape though. I'll try and do some things I saw you do. You inspired some incredible loyalty Shepard. Big shoes to try and fill. Unfillable really. But I'll spend my life trying to. 

-G

\----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shep,

It's been a while. My team is turning out to be a really great squad. They've really stepped up. We've become a force to be reckoned with on Omega. I've had this squad for as long as I was on the Normandy now. I care about them just as much. It's strange. Those days are starting to fade a bit now. But you aren't. I don't know why I still think about you so much. I thought it would be better by now. But you were unique, Shepard. You don't meet someone like you but once or twice in a lifetime. I'm glad you're not fading. It'd be a damned shame. You're still inspiring me to be my best. And that's something to hold onto. Miss you, buddy. 

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

SHEEPPAARRDDD, buddy! Just a quick warning, I am suuuper drunk. My squad and I took out a huge drug ring tonight, and we celebrated at the base. It was great, Shep, you would have loved it! Damn, we really kicked ass today. It feels good. Feels good to do something right, to help. But in my drunken state, I'm also remembered some failed responsiblities. Soveriegn, yes, but mostly my family. BUT< I won't think about that right now. Right now, I will have some more whiskey. And maybe dance. And then probably have a terrible hangover, but WHO CARES DRINNKKKSSS

-GARRUSSSSS

\----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard... I fucked up. I had way too much to drink. Apparently, I'm not as young as I once was. My hangover would have been gone in an hour. Today. Not so much. Maybe I won't feel like throwing up tomorrow though. I'm going back to bed.

-G

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard - I didn't learn my lesson. We win most of our fights. Just not this one. We heard intel that there was some trafficking happening. But we got there too late. Half of the slaves had already been shipped off to spirits knows where. We fought like hell, but the slavers shot half of the remaining hostages before we could save them in time. Damn it Shepard, every time I think I'm finally doing something right, something goes horribly wrong. What am I doing here, Shep? So now, I'm once again drunk in a bunker, writing to a dead woman. Damn it.

\- you know who it is

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

Just wanted you to know that I took down those slaver bastards. One night, I went kind of crazy, and just headed to their base on my own. Not sure how I'm not dead right now. Even I'm impressed. Every single damned one of them. Most of them with a bullet between the eyes. The leader wasn't so lucky as that. I made sure of it. I failed a lot of those hostages, but I at least avenged them. And it's not enough. It won't bring them back. But I still wanted you to know.

-G

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard, 

Looks like this will be my last message. No, I haven't finally moved on with my life in a healthy manner. I got my entire squad killed. Spirits... damn it! After, I made sure to get as many mercs in one spot as possible, and now I'll kill as many as possible before I run out of ammo. Every shot, every killed merc, I say one of my team's names. Damn it Shepard, I wish it were me. I wish I had your story. You saved your whole crew, died for them. Spirits, I wish that had happened instead of this. The mercs are taking a quick break, but they'll be back at it before long. I haven't slept in 6 days, and I've been out of food for 3, and I just ran out of water. I'm so damned tired, Shep. I'd fall asleep if the sound of my own gun wasn't jolting me awake, but pretty soon even that won't be enough. I'm not making it out of this one. I don't have long now. Spirits, I'm tired. Hope I see you up there Shepard. Drinks on me.

-G

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Shepard felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. That Turian better fucking survive the surgery, or she'll kill him herself. She wasn't sure if she'd tell him she got all of these. If she got the feeling he wanted her to, she'll bring it up. If he pretends they don't exist, so will she. It's not exactly fair that she got a peek at his pretty-much diary. But damn, he was a good soldier, and a better friend. She respected the hell out of him. And it touched her deeply that he tried so hard in her memory. More than anyone else ever would have. She jumped up and headed down to the med-bay to check on his progress for the 5th time._


	2. Locked Up

From: Shepard:

Garrus,

I know it's only been a few days, but I thought I'd write anyways. The hearing was fast, they had already made their decision before we even got there. Good news is, I wasn't discharged, and I'm not in a jail cell. But I am under house-arrest. I don't know if Turians have that, but I'm stuck in this tiny studio for the foreseeable future. I can't make any calls, I can't leave, my meals are brought to the room, and the door stays locked with a soldier out front. 

I miss the Normandy. It's so strange going from shiplife to civilian life. When your ship or your camp are your home, more than any other you've had before, and then suddenly it's just not anymore. 0530 laps, 0630 breakfast, 0700 morning briefing, 0800 rounds, 0900 meetings, 1300 lunch with you, 1400 rounds, 1600 meetings, 1700 dinner with the squad, 1800 rounds, 1900 mail and debriefings. Every day, for years. You want to know what I'm doing right now? It's 0900 and I'm doing the same thing I was doing at 0700. Sitting on my ass. Joker is probably dropping you off right about now. I know you'll be busy, but if you ever feel like writing, I'll be here. Probably getting fat. 

-Shep

\-----------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

This is just ridiculous. Say the word, and you've got a whole team of people ready to break you out. I know everyone else is just as pissed as I am. Do you know how long they plan on keeping you in there? Hang in there bud. And you're right, Joker just dropped me off. After I get settled, I'm going to go talk to my father about the Reapers. I need to do as much as I can for my people, and he's as good a shot as any. We'll see. Wish me luck.

-G

\-----------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,

I must have read that wrong. You're going to meet with your dad? Wow. Good luck. God's-speed, officer Vakarian. 

But really, you know I'm kidding. Somebody has to listen to us Garrus. And no one will listen to me right now, so that leaves you. And if anyone can do it, you can. You can do this. 

-Shep

\------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Well, Damn. That meeting went... really well. He listened to me. My dad's a damned good detective. Can follow the evidence down any rabbit hole. He didn't like it, but he couldn't deny it either. He's setting up a meeting for us to meet with the Primarch. The 'ball is rolling', as you humans would say. Got any advice for me, Shepard?

-Garrus

\--------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,

I'm not sure if you've sent anything yet, but I'm dying to hear about that meeting with your dad. I know you're busy, but if you get a chance hit me up. 

-Shep

\----------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus,

Shepard,

It says sent on my end but unread. I hope you get this next one. The meeting with the Primarch went... ok. They didn't just tell me to get out, so at least that's better than your meetings with the Council or Alliance. They weren't happy obviously, and were extremely skeptical, but they're looking into it. I think this just might go somewhere. Got to love that Turian battle-ready attitude.

-G

\------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard,

Hey,

I still haven't heard from you. Hope everything's going alright, and you're just wildly successful and busy. Now that I think about it, a tech guy came in a couple days ago and messed with my computer and omni-tool, and cryptically said to 'expect changes'. Damn, if they've severed communications, this is gonna be worse than I thought. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but if I keep getting radio-silence, then I'm going to start assuming it's Alliance control. Damn, this sucks. 

-Shepard

\-------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shep,  
  
Well, I'm going to keep sending these, and hopefully they start getting through to you. I want to keep you up to date. The Primarch is starting to listen. We already have another meeting scheduled. I'll let you know how it goes.

-G

\-------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

I wish you'd write, just so I could know how you're doing. I know you don't know that I'm getting your messages, but it helps. If I don't hear from you soon, I'm going to take one from your book. Yell loud enough, and maybe someone will listen to me. 

-G

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

Well, I'm definitely yelling. I think Anderson's about to block my number. But I'm not giving up, Shep. If I don't hear from you soon, I'm busting you out. That should be fun.

-G

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shep,  
  
Anderson finally picked up. He agreed to allow your messages come through to me, to 'assure me of your safety'. Unfortunately, he wouldn't budge on my end of communication, and no one else from the squad either. I hope you write soon. 

-G

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

It's been 7 weeks, and 22 hours. I wonder if anyone is trying to message me, or if I'm just as forgotten as I feel. I'm trying to work out, stay in shape. I even started learning the Turian alphabet, and can even read a young children's story from Palaven. Guess I'm hitting bottom here. Doing anything to stay busy, but I miss the squad, miss the Normandy... miss you. I'd probably feel a little better if I could get a full night's sleep. I haven't really been able to lately. 

I'd probably sleep better if I had a certain someone to help me blow off steam. Sorry. That was awkward. No... no, I'm not sorry. It's not like you'll ever see this anyways, so I might as well be honest. I think about that night a lot. Actually, thinking about you has helped a lot. I guess that's why I'm still 'writing' you. No one really understands me like my best friend. Who happens to be a Turian on Palaven while I'm stuck in a room in Vancouver. Life is weird. I wish we had more time after the relay to... decompress and talk. Now, I might not ever know. God, they wouldn't keep me here forever would they? Ugh, I need sleep.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

I'm really glad you are writing me, even if you don't know it. I was just about to hit the cot for the night, glad I checked my omni-tool once more. I hear Turian is a difficult language to learn, at least the writing is. We miss you too, Shepard, believe me. You're not forgotten. I miss you. And I think about that night a lot too. I wish you could know you're not alone. It's hard for me to see you hurting like this, and not be able to do anything about it. If we were on the Normandy, well first you wouldn't be saying any of this to me, but I'd like to be able to think I'd know. I usually did by the end. And I could usually help you feel better with our talks or sparring sessions. Or my hilarious jokes. You're helping me more than you know on Palaven. I've used some strategies I've seen you use in talks with the Hierarchy and it's helped tremendously. I hope we get a chance to have that talk. And I hope you sleep well tonight.

-Garrus

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

G,

Now it's been 7 weeks, 1 day and 3 hours. Guess sleep just isn't in the cards. It's funny how so much time for self-reflection forces you to look at all your failures without being able to escape. God, Garrus, this is all my fault. 318,447. That's how many people I killed that day. That's a lot of blood on my hands. God, I deserve worse than being locked up in a room. Hey, have I told you how much I respect you? How you're the best god damned man I've ever met? I'm glad you're my best friend, Garrus. It was an honor to serve with you.

318,447. I keep writing it down as if somehow that will make the number smaller over time. 318,447. 318,447. There were 68,301 children under 16, Garrus. I bet you've had some time for reflection too. I'm starting to get why everyone here must hate me. I hope the crew doesn't. 318,447. 318,447. I wish it had been me instead. Maybe before this is all over, I'll join them. God knows I won't make it into heaven. It's a shame, I tried so hard... I tried, Garrus, I really did. 318,447. 318,447. 

-1

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus Vakarian

Anderson,

Contrary to popular belief, the ability to see the messages Commander Shepard sends to me have not "assured me of her safety". I didn't realize that the Alliance primitively does not care for the mental health of it's veterans. If this isn't rectified within 24 of your hours, I will personally see to it that Commander Shepard is released and that humanity's position on the Council is reconsidered. 

\- Adviser Vakarian

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

I wish you could read this. It is not. your. fault. It's not your fault Shepard. You didn't murder anyone, you saved the whole damned galaxy that day. Your team does not hate you. We remember, Shepard. Everything you've sacrificed, everything you've done for this galaxy. I know the Alliance doesn't but we do. I do. You helped me realize that what happened to my squad on Omega wasn't my fault. Sometimes we're just dealt shitty cards, and there's nothing better than that, nothing we can do about it. Hang in there, Shepard.

-G

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

It's been a couple of days. I hope Anderson made good on his promise. If he doesn't, there will be hell to pay on earth. That wasn't a Turian threat. Damn, that sounded bad. That's just a best friend threat. I wonder if anyone reads these. Probably, now that I think about it. Well if anyone is reading this, you better take care of her. Apparently no one knows this, but she's saved the galaxy twice now, and no one has bothered to thank her yet. 

\- Garrus

\----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,

Hey buddy. I'm glad you don't get my messages at this point, cause I'd be pretty embarrassed. That last one was kind of intense. The day after I sent that to you, the Alliance sent in a shrink. Chambers is her name. Nice girl, but still a shrink. Hell, I guess it's nice being able to talk to someone again. And that soldier outside my door stopped in and sat after he brought me my dinner. He's a nice guy, actually. Vega's his name. He seems like a good soldier. Damn is he built, I'm sure he could beat me in a push-up competition. Looks like I need to do more push-ups while I'm in lock up. No one can beat me, I have a reputation after all. 

I know you're not getting any of these, but it was weird that when I finally broke down and wrote, the next day someone came in to see me. If guardian angels were people, you'd be one. Even if you don't know it. Ha, that reminds me! Do you want to know how the Illusive Man classified Archangel? "Tactical and Infiltration Genius" and "Best Sniper in the Galaxy" are the two I remember. I miss you buddy. It's a good thing you don't get these. If I recall, Turians don't like talking about emotions at all. And I've said that I miss you about 16 times probably. I can hear your mandible clicking in disapproval. Heh, I remember when Sanders went to hug you, and you looked like you were going to crawl right out of your plates. Ahh... good times. 

-Shepard

\----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shep,

If anyone is a guardian angel, it's you. The galaxy will never know what you've done for it, not really, or how it's shooting a hole it's own foot by locking you up. They'll never understand. Not like the crew does. Don't know how you got us all out of there alive, Shepard. Only you could have done that. 

I sent you messages too, after you died. All the way up until I almost did. I never worked up the courage to ask if you had gotten them. If you could ignore that for me, I can ignore these for you. And when we're out there kicking ass again, we can pretend like it never happened. But for now, I'm glad. You're right, Turians hate talking about emotions. For a species that conveys emotions through subharmonics, talking about it feels fake and awkward. But, since you're not getting these, what the hell. It's like talking to myself pretty much, with some stupid thing in my head saying it's different somehow. I'm so glad they sent you help. So glad that finally, for once, I was able to help. I know you'll hate talking to a shrink, but I think with no one else to talk to, you just might. I remember that time with Sanders. I almost felt bad, when she looked like I had hurt her feelings so badly. Didn't feel like that with you though. It never did. 

PS. Thanks, Vega. I'm pretty certain you're the one reading, and joining her for dinner. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,

I'm really getting good at push-ups. I broke my record. Twice. I think I might challenge Vega soon, we'll see. I'm at about a 2nd grade reading level in Turian now, so there's that. I'm still not really sleeping, but eh, that's not new I guess. Wish I could learn how to speak it, but apparently I don't have the biology for it. Something about needing a second set of vocal chords and a subharmonic capability. Dumb. I've been reading more on different species. I did a lot of that on the Normandy, and it just feels a bit like normalcy at this point. The Alliance seems to have reports that the Turians have a genius-level ability to observe and interpret body language. You always were good at reading people, so I wonder if that's true. I wonder if Turians have different dialects depending on where they're from. Maybe that's in the subharmonics. Some Canadians I know have crazy accents, way different dialect that what you'd hear in Vancouver. Next time we meet up, I should see if I can find a way to turn off my translator chip for a minute, just to see what you sound like. You should do it too. And then we can make fun of each other. 

I just had a bad thought. What if instead of these messages going to no one, they're being read by someone, and not you. Oh God. Maybe I should stop writing.

-Shep

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From: Garrus

Don't. Vega, subtly convince the Commander that is a bad idea. For.. mental health.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus, I think it's Vega. Somehow, after I sent that message to you, he came in and challenged me to a push-up contest. I'm onto you, ya jar head. And I'll beat you next time. I'm getting soft in this room.

Maybe I should stop writing. If it's not going to anyone and poor Vega has to go through all these, what a pain in the ass. Not to mention embarrassing for me at this point. Vega, if you're the one who sent Chambers I... well thanks. And on the off chance Garrus is getting these, it's got to be annoying him by now. He's some hot-shot on Palaven now. Everybody is moving on again. And I should be happy about that. So, if you are getting this Big Guy, I'm ok with you not going through all of these, alright? I don't want to get in the way of your life/duty. 

-Shep

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From: Garrus

Shep, you're my best friend. You're messages are keeping me sane while I deal with politics. You know how much I hate that. It's probably the thing I hate most in this galaxy, and here I am. I'm a damn idiot. And what is a jar head?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Hey, it's been a while. How's she doin, Vega?

-Garrus

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Good

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Hey, sorry about that. I don't remember typing that message. Wait, why am I sorry, it's not like anyone's getting these but James out there. Yo, Jimmy! I'm ready for a rematch when you are!

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Is Jimmy and James the same person? Must be a weird nickname. Like Shep instead of Shepard. No offense Jimmy, but I just want to talk to my friend, not you. There's things I want her to know. I don't want to ask you to disobey your orders, but if there's any chance they might ease up on her a bit, it'd be nice to be able to talk. Thanks for looking out, soldier.

-G

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,  
  
I don't know what's going on, but it's something big. I can hear the commotion outside in the hall. Vega's not even out there. I could just leave. I'll keep trying, maybe they'll let me communicate if the world's ending. 

-Shepard

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,

This is it Big Guy. They're here. Earth is under attack. Warn Palaven. I can't get to a

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Jane, any more information? Is this getting through to you? I've put the hierarchy on high alert. I hope we've made a difference here.

\- Garrus

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Unknown User

Garrus,

I don't know if you're getting this Big Guy, I'm using a spare omni-tool. Earth is lost. There are still pockets of soldiers regrouping, but our communication is shot. They sent me to go get help. God, it's hard to leave. I'm watching my home disappear into the background, and it's on fire. We're on our way to Palaven. I hope you're safe.

\- Commander Shepard

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus, we're a day out. I've been 'reinstated' and cleared. All of my messages are working now, and I have about a million unread messages from you. You're the best big guy. I was able to contact Anderson once before we were cut off. Are you getting this? Any info will be helpful.

-Commander Shepard

\------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus, talk to me Big Guy. Yes, as a Commander I need to know the situation, and what we're walking in to. But I could contact anyone for that. I just want to see if you're alive. We're approaching Palaven now. It looks like Earth, god it's awful. I'm so sorry. Where are you?

-Shepard

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus, you better be alive or I'll kill you myself. We're on our way to a base on Menae, Iving it's called. We're looking for the Primarch. Work your angel magic and get to that base soldier. Your ride is waiting for you.

-Shepard

\-------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Snap Shots

From: Shepard

Hey Big Guy,  
  
Just wanted to say thanks for lunch today. That meeting was awful. But when I saw you walk in, trying to be stealthy in your heavy armor to not interrupt the call, with that tiny sandwich in your giant hands, everything seemed a lot better all of a sudden. You do that a lot. Make things better. Thank you.

\----------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Hey there. Why are you messaging me? You click a button and you've got me over comms. Which is what we do, pretty much all day at this point anyhow. I was in the middle of some calculations that were giving me trouble, so the message was a pleasant surprise. 

-G

\-----------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

G,

Sometimes, it's nice looking back over all those old messages. They're like, little snapshots in time. And I wanted to remember that one. Comms now?

-Shep

\------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard, remember that snapshot idea? I get it now. Here's one for you. Do you remember when I beat you on top of the presidium today? Yeah, me too. Just wanted us to remember it. P.S. I can hear your eyes rolling from here.

-Garrus

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Hey GarBear. Here's a snapshot for you. Do you remember when I mocked you, the giant deadly Turian by giving you a ridiculous nickname. And you made me repeat it 5 times because you thought your translator was glitching? Yeah, me too. I'm gonna go find a Turian stuffed bear to give to you. Since it's a gift, you'll have to bring it back to the barracks with you. I'm sure the other soldiers will love it. P.S. I can hear your mandibles clicking from here.

Love, Shepard

\--------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Shepard,

Do you remember back before the Reaper attack, after Cerberus, when you realized that your Cerberus implants allowed you to hear subharmonic sounds? And you heard what 'I adore you' sounds like for the first time in Turian subharmonics? Come down here when you have a chance, I want you to hear it again.

-Garrus

\----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Garrus,

Have I ever told you how handsome you are? Can I tell you about that? It's the obvious things, like your height and the way your markings accentuate the perfect lines of your face plates and mandibles. The way my arms fit around your neck behind your cowl. The way your carapace so sharply and yet so elegantly defines your waist, and it looks so incredibly touchable there. But it's also the little things more. The small spots on your neck by your face plates. The way your fringe looks from the back when you're hunched over your console. The way your fingers wrap around a beer bottle at the bar, or your hands wrap around my wrists in bed when you're on top of me. The way your face plates bend and move ever so slightly when you're looking at me. No other humans notice, but I do, and it's beautiful and and intoxicating. The way your subharmonics sound when we're making love, and you're so close. Hell, the way they feel when your chest is pressed to mine. The way those piercing eyes look in the dark, or how peaceful they look when you're asleep. The way your mandibles move when you're asleep. The way you growl over the comms in a fire fight. How athletic you are when you're dodging over cover with your rifle on your shoulder. The softest of subharmonics right as you're lining up the perfect shot. I know when I hear that, the person at the end of your scope is already dead, they just don't know it yet. The way you laugh, the deep one when it's just the two of us or that chuckle when you're with the squad. The way you make everyone else laugh, always knowing just what to say to lighten the mood. Or, when you know just what to say and just how to say it to make someone shit their pants, that's pretty sexy too if I'm being honest. They way your subharmonics sound when I ask you to gear up for a mission. They rumble instantly, without hesitation, every single time. But there's something about you that makes you even sexier to me than all of those perfect little things. The way you lead a group of people and get them to not only follow you but like you. Even on an Alliance ship. Hell, on a damned Cerberus ship, the crew respected and liked you. The way you believe in things, and are willing to defend those ideals and fight for them. The way you defend innocents and fellow soldiers alike. The way your loyalty and honor stand out. I'll never know how you can be so strong and hard, and so passionate and compassionate all at once. How you can be so deadly and dangerous, and so incredibly kind. I've never met anyone who can be so focused on details like calibrating weapons and tech, and see the big picture like a sniper. You're like that with people too. You have so much intelligence and patience, it astounds me. I know Turians don't talk like this. But humans do, when they love someone. I don't have subharmonics so I can't show you the way that you show me. And I need you to know. I hope you know. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable. But, you should know how completely and utterly adored you are. I love you Garrus Vakarian.

-Jane

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Jane,

I'd be uncomfortable if it was anyone but you. But it's you Jane, and waking up to that was... I wish you could hear my subharmonics now. I've never done this before, but I'll give it a shot, because I want you to know too. 

You hear my subharmonics rumble right away, without hesitation, because there isn't a bone in my body that will ever hesitate if it's you. Whether that's jumping into battle, a co-op mission, stealing an Alliance ship, Hanar poetry slam, the bar, or our bed. You would never hesitate, so neither can I. You wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for anyone, wouldn't hesitate to help someone in need, wouldn't hesitate to risk your life for someone else's. Wouldn't hesitate to accept a Turian on your ship and trust them as much as any other soldier. You're a light I can't help but follow. I don't hesitate, because your soul calls out to mine. If you had subharmonics, you'd hear how ours would sync up now. I can tell, because waking up without you is stranger than waking up with you. I can tell by how when you're with me, you know what I'm thinking without me having to say a word. I can tell by the way when you walk in a room and you always smell like me now, like it's been ingrained into your skin. When you walk in a room and my heart stops. And when you walk out, I stare at those hips until the door closes. Those impossible curves that can hold up the weight of the world, can withstand talons and sharp teeth, and still be so incredibly soft. The way your skin gets red when I touch you. The way your lips move against my mouth plates. You're a commander with the strength to make the tough calls and the gentleness to care for others. The gentleness to touch me in every right spot, in every right way. The soft noises you make when I'm inside you. The strength in your voice out on the field, leading us to another victory. The little curve of your lip into the tiniest smile when you make a head-shot that should have been impossible. The way your tiny fingers curl around mine in bed. The way your hair feels when I run my talons through it as you fall alseep, or the way it feels when it brushes against my face when you're on top of me. The way your legs grip my waist at the perfect spot when I'm on top of you. The way your freckles look like your own, personal colony markings, and the way your bigger than life personality seems to match it. Your balance of strength and gentleness is breathtaking. Mentally and physically. You're the only person who has ever seen me, Jane. Not what you want me to be, not what I'm supposed to be, just me. Who I am, and the man I want to be. I hope I make you feel that way too. I hope you know. I hope you know I'll follow you anywhere. I love you, Jane Shepard.

-Garrus

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Tali

Garrus,

I don't know what you just sent Shepard, but heads up she's on her way down to you. I can't tell if you're in for a world of hurt or if something else entirely. I've never seen the Commander cry but I swear there were tears in her eyes. Good luck, Vakarian. I wouldn't want to be the one who makes Shepard pissed. 

-Tali

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Hey Big Guy,

I got your message. Went to the battery to find you, but you weren't there. I want to show you what my subharmonics feel like right now.

-Shepard

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Garrus

Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. I'm up in the loft. 

-G

\---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Shepard

Be right there.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Before the end of ME3) Garrus Vakarian has only said "I love you" (in words) to the love of his life twice. The first time was in a message, because he was overwhelmed and needed her to know. She was human, and he was willing to be human with her in that moment. 
> 
> The second was before he watched her run towards death.


End file.
